This is the website that helped me a lot on learning about my mother's condition. I just thought that I would post it in case anybody was curious or wanted to help support the MS Society.
http://www.nationalmssociety.org/
The National MS Society is a collective of passionate individuals who want to do something about MS now—to move together toward a world free of multiple sclerosis. MS stops people from moving. We exist to make sure it doesn't.
We help each person address the challenges of living with MS through our 50-state network of chapters. The Society helps people affected by MS by funding cutting-edge research, driving change through advocacy, facilitating professional education, and providing programs and services that help people with MS and their families move their lives forward.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Not Sure...
I want to write something because I have so much inside to say about so many things but I can't seem to put these thoughts into words. This just wasn't how my life was supposed to be. I remember bright happy times, or at least I think I do. Don't get me wrong there are rays of light that still reside in my life. I do have Kristal who no matter what bad things have happened between us in the past has shown to really be a dear friend. Then of course my family, although quirky they do care. They just aren't sure how to show it... I've just been so distant lately because this whole MS business with my mother has taken me to a dark place. On top of my concern for my mother there is the thought and knowledge that MS is hereditary and I have increased chances of it manifesting in my system. That isn't something I'm prepared to deal with at this point.
Then of course there is Levi.... Perhaps all thats happened shouldn't still bother me but it does... I spent close to 2 years with him, we shared not just time but a life. A life full of happiness, sorrow, secrets, and love. Things went somewhat sour towards the end mostly from stress... I take nearly the full blame for what we had coming to an end. If I had been less jealous and over protective, maybe worked more, perhaps cleaned more.... Who knows, things will heal and time make this all better for me. I mean he is afterall going to be a factor in my life. We are still friends, it took me a while to get passed what he did when he left me. My heart still tremors when I think about that horrid Monday. I will always be there for him and he for me. Everyone always said that we fit better as friends and not lovers but I never believed that and maybe I should have listened. Life may be easier to deal with right now if I had. Don't think I'm saying I would take the past 2 years away, goodness no! I loved the good times and would never want to lose those!
Well, I think I've rambled enough for now. lol, I'll post again soon! Peace!
Then of course there is Levi.... Perhaps all thats happened shouldn't still bother me but it does... I spent close to 2 years with him, we shared not just time but a life. A life full of happiness, sorrow, secrets, and love. Things went somewhat sour towards the end mostly from stress... I take nearly the full blame for what we had coming to an end. If I had been less jealous and over protective, maybe worked more, perhaps cleaned more.... Who knows, things will heal and time make this all better for me. I mean he is afterall going to be a factor in my life. We are still friends, it took me a while to get passed what he did when he left me. My heart still tremors when I think about that horrid Monday. I will always be there for him and he for me. Everyone always said that we fit better as friends and not lovers but I never believed that and maybe I should have listened. Life may be easier to deal with right now if I had. Don't think I'm saying I would take the past 2 years away, goodness no! I loved the good times and would never want to lose those!
Well, I think I've rambled enough for now. lol, I'll post again soon! Peace!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
More Mom News...
I just talked to my mom on the phone, she is on her way back from Nashville, TN.
Her medications have changed and she was informed that her in home visit to learn how the injections are given will take place in about a week. They said that they don't know the speed at which its progressing. If it started in her 20's then she has 5-10 years before she is on a cane due to her body's decline. They said if it started in March then in 1-3 years she will be cane dependant... I just don't know, do I wanna scream and be mad (in which case who is there to be mad at?) or do I wanna just cry and face my mothers mortality? I wanna be strong for my mom but this sucks so much! She has always been my rock, the one that no matter what comes at her she stone-faces and takes it and never breaks pace... This has drained her so much and I get more scared everyday!
I can't type anymore, I'm at work and about to breakdown so just keep her in your thoughts and prayers! (sounds wierd coming from me, being doubtful of all higher power but I don't know what else to do... who do I have?)
Her medications have changed and she was informed that her in home visit to learn how the injections are given will take place in about a week. They said that they don't know the speed at which its progressing. If it started in her 20's then she has 5-10 years before she is on a cane due to her body's decline. They said if it started in March then in 1-3 years she will be cane dependant... I just don't know, do I wanna scream and be mad (in which case who is there to be mad at?) or do I wanna just cry and face my mothers mortality? I wanna be strong for my mom but this sucks so much! She has always been my rock, the one that no matter what comes at her she stone-faces and takes it and never breaks pace... This has drained her so much and I get more scared everyday!
I can't type anymore, I'm at work and about to breakdown so just keep her in your thoughts and prayers! (sounds wierd coming from me, being doubtful of all higher power but I don't know what else to do... who do I have?)
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Greatest Mother!
Well, here goes my first blog post on here...
To start I have to say that I have the greatest mother on the planet! She has always made sure that I have had everything that I've ever needed and usually what I wanted. We have always been very close, I mean granted there was a time after I came out that she was more distant. Although, over the past 2 years we have gotten so much closer than maybe we have ever been in the past. She has really started taking an interest in my life again and even inquired about and invited my now ex-boyfriend to family functions (even buying gifts for him). Anyway, here goes the reason for my posting...
My mother has recently been diagnosed with MS. It has been so scary and wearing to think of my forever brilliant, beautiful, and independant mother being so weakened by this condition. She has apparently had it for a few years now but her doctors kept mis-diagnosing it. Passing it off as nothing more than migraines brought on by stress mixed with her TMJ and blood-sugar issues. (there were issues with the medication she was on for the migraines but thats for another day) Finally after she had been rushed to the hospital several times for stroke-like symptoms they sent her to a specialist in Nashville, TN. Once there she was diagnosed with MS. Since it had went so long she had developed lesions on her brain and lost a small portion of the strength on her left side. In order to repair this they put her on a weeks worth of daily IV treatments. These were supposed to last her until her appointment in August, but they have worn off and for the past several days she has once again been weak and tired. To the point where she has been having mild episodes again.
As of right now my mother and step-father are in a hotel in Nashville, TN waiting for her newly rescheduled appointment that is tomorrow morning at 10:30. Even once they get her leveled out with her treatment and everything she will still never be able to just be on some daily pill. They have informed her that she will need to be on daily in-home injections to keep it in check.
How is all this fair? Life sometimes kicks you so hard that you just find yourself wondering why? I realize that no matter how this affects me, its so much worse for my mother and I hurt for her everyday. She has always been the strongest person that I know, and now to think that she is so fragile and isn't the invincible wonder woman that I have always seen her as... Of course life doesn't throw just one curve ball at a time, so I see more posts very soon! Stay tuned...
To start I have to say that I have the greatest mother on the planet! She has always made sure that I have had everything that I've ever needed and usually what I wanted. We have always been very close, I mean granted there was a time after I came out that she was more distant. Although, over the past 2 years we have gotten so much closer than maybe we have ever been in the past. She has really started taking an interest in my life again and even inquired about and invited my now ex-boyfriend to family functions (even buying gifts for him). Anyway, here goes the reason for my posting...
My mother has recently been diagnosed with MS. It has been so scary and wearing to think of my forever brilliant, beautiful, and independant mother being so weakened by this condition. She has apparently had it for a few years now but her doctors kept mis-diagnosing it. Passing it off as nothing more than migraines brought on by stress mixed with her TMJ and blood-sugar issues. (there were issues with the medication she was on for the migraines but thats for another day) Finally after she had been rushed to the hospital several times for stroke-like symptoms they sent her to a specialist in Nashville, TN. Once there she was diagnosed with MS. Since it had went so long she had developed lesions on her brain and lost a small portion of the strength on her left side. In order to repair this they put her on a weeks worth of daily IV treatments. These were supposed to last her until her appointment in August, but they have worn off and for the past several days she has once again been weak and tired. To the point where she has been having mild episodes again.
As of right now my mother and step-father are in a hotel in Nashville, TN waiting for her newly rescheduled appointment that is tomorrow morning at 10:30. Even once they get her leveled out with her treatment and everything she will still never be able to just be on some daily pill. They have informed her that she will need to be on daily in-home injections to keep it in check.
How is all this fair? Life sometimes kicks you so hard that you just find yourself wondering why? I realize that no matter how this affects me, its so much worse for my mother and I hurt for her everyday. She has always been the strongest person that I know, and now to think that she is so fragile and isn't the invincible wonder woman that I have always seen her as... Of course life doesn't throw just one curve ball at a time, so I see more posts very soon! Stay tuned...
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